The Leadership Vision Podcast

How Your Strengths Shape the Way You Communicate

• Nathan Freeburg, Linda Schubring, Brian Schubring • Season 8 • Episode 27

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In this episode, we explore the connection between Strengths and communication. Learn how identity shapes the way you speak and listen, the four shaping influences that impact your style, and practical tools to adapt your communication for better outcomes. 

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The Leadership Vision Podcast is a weekly show sharing our expertise in discovering, practicing, and implementing a Strengths-based approach to people, teams, and culture. Contact us to talk to us about helping your team understand the power of Strengths.

Speaker 1:

Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and I don't think it's always sacrificing your voice, but what is most helpful now, or what is most helpful in this moment, right now. For this reason, one of the things that we have seen in the clients and that's why we're trying to marry some of the strengths and the communication topic together is we have found that the strengths language gives you a great tool to be able to harness those talents, those expressions, those behaviors in a way that can help you communicate better, for greater happiness or whatever you're shooting for.

Speaker 3:

You are listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast, our show helping you build positive team culture. Our consulting firm has been doing this work for the past 25 years so that leaders are mentally engaged and emotionally healthy. To learn more about us, you can click the link in the show notes or visit us on the web at leadershipvisionconsultingcom. Hello everyone, my name is Nathan Freeberg and today I am joined live in studio with Dr Linda and Brian Schubring and we are going to be talking about strengths in communication. Brian and Linda are going to be sharing some information and insights that they have gained from some clients that they recently worked with.

Speaker 3:

We're going to be doing this kind of live, not quite like a post-game summary press conference, but with some recent clients. Obviously, we're not going to tell you who they are, brian and Linda. We're talking about communication, which is one of, I think, the most challenging topics in all of the world, not just on teams, but in relationships in general, be that with your significant other, your friends, your kid's school, whatever it is. How do you want to set this up? Paint the picture or kind of give us some metaphors or analogies about how we want to talk about communication before we sort of dive into the strength side of the pool.

Speaker 2:

Well, fundamental to our consulting practice is the 10-year research study that we did on what creates a positive team culture and part of the findings of that is the importance and the role that communication plays on a team.

Speaker 2:

So when we engage teams, we engage teams in this particular way. We meet with the team for 90 minutes. We talk about one topic. Following that 90-minute session, we meet with each individual team member for an hour to talk about what the topic of communication, whatever it is, means to them. And so in today's conversation we want to talk about, just on a high level, what is it that we're talking about when we introduce the topic of communication and, specifically for this podcast today, how is it that an individual's strengths not only shape their understanding and perspective on what communication is, but how they show up in the communication process, what their expectations are and how they react and respond to the communicators around them?

Speaker 3:

So, much fun.

Speaker 2:

That's good. Well, yeah, it is. So here we go.

Speaker 3:

Ready.

Speaker 2:

One of the things, one of the phrases that we start with that gets people's attention right away, and this is. We created this statement on purpose, and that is communication is an experience and an expression of our inner identity, and that statement, that communication is an experience and an expression of our inner identity that creates this paradigm or this dichotomy. That communication is an expression. It happens outside of us, and how we communicate is somehow an extension of who we are as an individual, which then leads to using the language of strengths to help us better understand who we are as communicators.

Speaker 1:

And the reason why communication is so important right now is we are taking a strengths lens. Yes, that's where some of this initial research came from, when we were meeting with teams and noting the elements of positive team culture. Why it's so important right now is communication. Like you said, whenever you get people together, this is going to be an issue. We have found that strengths help us describe how people communicate, what some of their patterns and preferences are when it comes to communication. But since we released our book Unfolded, some of the things that we have learned about communication is that we are just communicating by the shape of who we are. We are communicating by the folds of where we have come from, that some of these well-worn super highways that allow people to start to notice for the first time that this is how they communicate and these are their preferences when it comes to communication. So we're just we're taking a kind of a nuanced view and listening with another lens.

Speaker 2:

So one of the ways that we actually engage these individuals when we're doing these coaching sessions is we're focusing on one section of our coaching and helping people understand who they are as individuals and what were some of the shaping influences in how they communicate and why they communicate, what they communicate. And that process of discovery is another way that we kind of use a certain set of prompts to help us get more insight into the role that an individual's strengths play. So here's an example of some of the four questions that we use. We ask people to consider four influences that have shaped how they show up as a communicator. So number one is family.

Speaker 2:

So we ask the people to consider their family of origin. Second, we ask people to consider their culture ethnic culture, religious culture. Maybe they were a cultural minority in the neighborhood that they grew up in, but what was the role that culture played in communication expectations? Next is environments. We ask people to think about the environment they were raised in, whether it's community or suburb or school, and also time of history. Time of history can tell a lot to us about someone's communication, because time in history could be technology or pre-technology, it could be a parenting style or just the ways people that express themselves. When you hear people tell the stories of how these four elements shape the communication, you can begin to listen with the language of strengths and hear their strengths pop up.

Speaker 1:

Now I know that we've recorded on this. Maybe five or six years ago, the evolution of our thinking and our practice came because, during the time of the pandemic, people were forced to communicate in new ways. One of the things that we have begun to notice when we're having conversations now is people are saying, well, I used to communicate this way and now I've had to pick up that. Or they're shaped by the influences of social media or some of the polarization kind of messaging and language and pot stirring right that happens. So we wanted to take a refresh, take a new perspective on inviting people not to just consider where did your strength of positivity begin? Or how were some of the habits of ideation fostered in your life? Or how are you doing helping your your child, do standup comedy to the two

Speaker 1:

two. So the the conversation today is how do we not just say, okay, all these things shaped us and now that just excuses all the behavior? Today, the importance of this conversation is the future lean, the unfolded lean, the getting ready to communicate in a way that will help bring healing and wholeness to teams, to families, to organizations, that might even bring a kind of healing to yourself, to understand that you've been shaped by your map, you've been shaped by your strengths, you've been shaped by your folds, the shape that you are in, and what are ways that you can communicate better for the betterment of humanity.

Speaker 2:

Because when people consider the shaping influences of their lives, those shaping influences and how they communicate are clearly before the pandemic. The pandemic created a one to three to four year disruption in how people communicate with each other. So people are now struggling with their normative ways of expressing themselves, either landing or not landing, and so it's creating a sense of confusion or disillusionment or a lack of familiarity with even oneself, because what worked before doesn't work now, and so what we want to do is we want to give people a chance in these hour-long sessions when we're coaching them is to be able to express that. What are their frustrations? And usually that frustration is named and labeled on the outside Like it's this person or it's this context or this client did this.

Speaker 2:

But what Linda and I are trying to do is we're trying to lean into that expression and speak to the person's identity that seems to be interrupted or disrupted or not connecting. Most of the time, it's not the person's fault when their communication is not landing. It's an environmental, it's a different type of of like collective community cocktail. That's happening because everyone in that team is going through the same type of reorientation of how to express oneself in a new dynamic, in a new workplace that has, for the moment, forever been changed and how to receive that expression right so, the, so, the, the.

Speaker 1:

What happens after these hour long conversations when we start to to get to the bottom of where, where some of those patterns and preferences came from, when they're then invited to go back and interact with one another?

Speaker 1:

there's this opportunity where it's not just given something, giving someone grace, where it's not just giving someone grace, it is this opportunity to say like well, tell me more about that. I'm in a posture of listening. It might be I might have the strength of activator, so I want to quick say all of these things and instead I'm going to take a beat. I'm going to take a pause because I'm practicing a new way of communicating in a way that once again brings health and wholeness.

Speaker 3:

Something that I'm practicing. I've heard this phrase many times, but do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Speaker 2:

I want to be heard and there is.

Speaker 3:

I have the strength of communication and it's very important to me that I'm heard. That you know if I told you this. You know. Here's all the evidence of how I've told you this. But what I'm trying to learn is or do I want to just be like you know what? I would rather not do what I told you so or? This is the evidence of where I said this and be happy. That's a little too simplistic, but I think you know what I'm getting at. Your ability to communicate with others, regardless of the medium, regardless of the environment or the context, how much of it is me being aware of? I need to adapt, I need to adjust versus like. Well, all you yahoos are the problem and I did it right. So, argh, you know what I mean. Like. If I want to be a truly effective communicator, should I always be bending over backwards to figure out how to make my message heard if sometimes I have to yell and sometimes I have to whisper, do you know what I'm asking?

Speaker 2:

I can answer that, but I'm not sure it's where you want to go.

Speaker 2:

Part of this conversation is redirecting a person's attention from what they're saying and how many times they've said it to the influences that are informing what they need to say, because we are in a time in history where words are so carefully chosen, narratives are so tightly woven, that words really really matter.

Speaker 2:

However, the science has shown us that, when it comes to communication, the importance of words only comprises 7% of what the brains actually paying attention to, because the brain is paying more attention to the nonverbal cues.

Speaker 2:

For example, up to 55% of what we pick up in communication is communicated through body language. Up to 40% is tone of voice. That doesn't even talk about the emotional energy that is created between people who are trying to communicate. And all these things are being picked up by our brains and interpreted by our minds in how we're going to be communicating. So so much of what we're trying to ask people to consider is what are the influences that are causing us to react and communicate and say what we're trying to say? Because all of those factors the non-verbals, the emotional energy, the body language is interpreted through our own perception, our own lived experience, our own bias and beliefs, and that too is shaded. So it's really complicated when you get a team together to not only communicate in healthy patterns but to express themselves in ways that actually clearly communicate what someone's trying to communicate.

Speaker 1:

Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and I don't think it's always sacrificing your voice, but what is most helpful now, or what is most helpful in this moment, right now.

Speaker 1:

For this reason, marry some of the strengths and the communication topic together is we have found that the strengths language gives you a great tool to be able to harness those talents, those expressions, those behaviors in a way that can help you communicate better, for greater happiness or wherever you're shooting for. Nathan, even talking about what strengths will you use to listen in the next meeting? And so I've had people write down notes about oh, it's because not my strength of communication was misunderstood, it was my strength of maximizer that was misunderstood, or this strength felt offended and didn't maybe respond really well. And so we're giving tools to people to not just say so, be a better communicator, or keep just bending to whatever the group wants. Just, you know, bending to whatever the group wants. Instead, harness your capacity of what you already have inside you in order to do something better for the greater whole. So there's times where you're you know you hold the line, nathan, and there's times where you know, at this part, this one doesn't matter.

Speaker 3:

So let's pivot and figure it out. Can you give some examples from some of these clients? What I'm curious to learn is just what are those moments where people have sort of been like, oh, this is something I could do very practically to improve my communication in a given set, a given setting.

Speaker 2:

I have several that come to mind. Um, I'm thinking of one individual where, um, when communication's going well, uh, he has a perspective that is inclusive of the people that are at the table and he's weaving everyone together and everyone's feeling like they can express themselves, and being hurt. When things are going poorly, he'll focus on one statement that is being misdirected, um, or misinterpreted, and um, in our work like this, this guy has the strength of a ranger and the strength of woos. When things are going well, he's weaving things together, and when something is disruptive, um, his strength of positivity can really shut him down to focus on the one negative statement that that's not going well. But that then introduces him into his new role. You know how can he be aware that these things are happening and then course correct as needed as he's going?

Speaker 1:

For us the language of strengths. Allow us to go a step further and not just label someone out of the gate.

Speaker 1:

So, there's a leader I'm thinking about and she has the strength of deliberative, she is thoughtful, she is careful, she is really caring. She is also very regimented in her approach and she could easily be labeled as quiet or easily be labeled as you know. How does she communicate? Oh, quiet, but guess what? When she speaks, things change, makes things change when she is given the courage to say, like leverage, like like extroverts some like say out loud some of the things that that you are thinking or seeing, with that strength of deliberative, and say it out loud to the group. And when she says it out loud, it's almost like the whole. You can watch the group turning in a different direction Once again, moving, moving the needle forward in, in communicating in more healthy and hopeful patterns.

Speaker 2:

Do you want me to go to another one? Do you want?

Speaker 3:

another one. Yeah, give me another one.

Speaker 2:

I have another one. Um, this is a a woman that has a very strong presence. Not only does she have a strong presence as she's standing or in a room with you, when she talks. Her messages are very smooth, articulated, well thought through, and they have a direction to them. She has the strength of intellection, the strength of learner, the strength of achiever, so her thoughts are complex and directionally focused. What what happens, then is, when she talks it, that directionality can serve as a wedge that separates people from talking to each other, because she's so decisive in what she says. She's aware of this, and so she's working on how can she ask more questions, to gain more information and to withhold saying something until she feels like it's too late to say anything, because then the group may be more ready to hear what she's saying that we are working with and his strength of responsibility is so strong and he wears it in a way.

Speaker 1:

He wears the strength of responsibility and those talents and behaviors in a way that you can feel the weight of it. Other people can feel the weight of it and some people just they don't understand because they don't come from that perspective. And my challenge to him was where do you find some renewal where you don't have to carry the weight or you find ways to offload some of the weight or share it or move it around so that you can be heard in a different way and you can feel more free?

Speaker 1:

in your communication style and attitude and approach.

Speaker 3:

That's good. I was in a meeting yesterday at my kid's school that I didn't call, but a meeting that I've been wanting to have for a while, specifically about communication in the school, and I was one of five people there, one of whom was the principal, and so we get in and the person who actually called the meeting was a little late, and so I was like so what do you know about what's happening? She's like nothing. I'm not even sure what we're doing here. I was kind of looking at these other two guys. It's like well, okay, and so I just kind of started talking and no one else was providing any direction of like is this the right way to go? And so I would pause and kind of like what do you think? And people would just kind of like I don't know, and so I was reflecting on this later, you know, in hindsight it's.

Speaker 3:

You know, the whole thing was kind of a mess from the beginning, but as I was thinking about, and even now, as we're talking about this, it is really important for me that there's a point to communication in settings like that. We know what we're doing, we're going to get somewhere, and if there's a lack of that, I'll just keep going and keep throwing things at the wall. This is maybe my communication ideation. Until something sticks, I cannot figure like. The two men in the room were clearly like one guy who I'm pretty good buddies with, almost didn't say anything. I'm just like what's happening here, like what's happening here, so. But my point is, this is kind of something I've known about myself for a while.

Speaker 3:

But like, what is the learning for me of? Like more isn't better, but my sort of strategy is like you know, if I just keep enough reps, something is going to stick, something's going to jar these people into action of some kind. Um, unfortunately it didn't happen yesterday, but if I was a client of yours, how might you coach me with that little? I know we're almost out of time here, but with that little nugget, how might you coach me for next time I'm in a similar situation.

Speaker 1:

The next time you're in a situation, start with the purpose of the meeting, that's good we were just in a.

Speaker 1:

What is the purpose of this meeting? And make sure there's some understanding so that you have a foundation from which to speak. We were just in a meeting yesterday. We're doing a lot of different things with this client. One of the things that we do to start the meeting with the client. She'll also do this with us. All right, what's the purpose of this meeting? And so I kind of preempted it. I was like the purpose of this meeting is this, this and this. She's like nope False.

Speaker 2:

True and correct. That's a true story and so applied to you, nathan.

Speaker 1:

It's not just assuming that everyone's there that even with the greatest intentions, sometimes the meeting was named wrong or we put together things from an email that that assume that this is the way that we need to show up yeah and I can't overemphasize, so it's not. It's not you not being clear, it's getting alignment from the get-go. Are we talking about the same thing?

Speaker 2:

yes, and wanting to get to the same place and generally for all of us, it is in the beginning of those conversations ask for what you need and don't answer the question yourself. So you ask the question and wait. What do you mean? Like, for example, you didn't know what the purpose of meeting was. You kept talking. I know, well I.

Speaker 3:

So it's funny, as I I mean we don't need to get into this, but't know what the purpose of meeting was. You kept talking. I know well I. So it's funny as I I mean we don't need to get into this, but I did know the purpose, but the other people didn't. The people I thought were in charge, who had called the meeting. They were sort of like okay, we're here, um, but it's a meeting I've been wanting to have for several months and we finally happened. I was like I think I'm in charge, even though I'm not I'm not the decision maker, but yeah, in hindsight I should have cause. I basically started saying what do you think this meeting is about? She's like I don't know.

Speaker 1:

So I should have guess.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I should have said like here's where really good at that, she's great and I would told yeah and I would have recommended to whoever it is you, that you ask each person to give their perspective. I know each person yeah, I say that to leaders a lot that the one guy who I said I know pretty well, he's like I have an idea to do this, and the person in charge, the principal, is just like nope, I kind of like what you're saying and that like I think that's what shut him down for the rest of the meeting. But I was like, oh guys, this is not going well. Anyway.

Speaker 1:

There's always room for improvement when it comes to communication.

Speaker 3:

Always room for improvement and I don't think the goal is to become perfect. The goal is to continue to be in a continual state of practice of improvement. So, brian and Linda, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you. State of practice, of improvement. So, brian Linda, thank you On behalf of our entire team.

Speaker 3:

And thank you, listeners, for listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast, our show helping you build positive team culture by learning how to communicate more effectively with one another. We have a lot of resources on our website, leadershipvisionconsultingcom, and I'll include a few specific resources in the show. Notes to these resources will help you learn how to communicate better, give you some ideas different ones than we just shared today, and a lot, lot, lot of other resources as well. Please make sure to sign up for our free email newsletter, follow us on the socials and subscribe to our podcast wherever you get good podcasts, and don't forget to pick up your copy of Unfolded Lessons in Transformation from an Origami Crane, available wherever you get your books. I'm Nathan Friberg. I'm Linda Schubring.

Speaker 2:

And I'm Brian Schubring.

Speaker 3:

And on behalf of our entire team thanks for listening.